2 - Spiritual Origins

"I maintain that ‘simple faith’ -- which is so often ignorant and simpering acquiescence, and not faith at all -- but simple faith taken at its highest value, which is faith without understanding of the thing believed, is not equal to intelligent faith, the faith that is a gift from God, supplemented by earnest endeavor to find through prayerful thought and research a rational ground for faith -- for acceptance of truth; and hence the duty of striving for a rational faith in which the intellect as well as the heart -- the feeling -- has a place and is a factor." -B.H. Roberts

I grew up in Torrance, California, which is in the L.A. area. My parents are very different from each other in the way they look at their faith. My mother would believe in the church no matter what. She also believes in alternative medicines/energies, etc. I'd classify her as a true believing mormon though with some mystical type beliefs as well, which is more mormon than most mormons today think, and she incorporates those things into her mormon identity. My father, I have come to realize, is far from a typical mormon. He's quite skeptical of most things, including core doctrines of the church. As long as I can remember, he would read the paper and take a nap during General Conference... which isn't always a bad way to spend it I am finding, hehehe.

So it was in this environment that I was raised. I remember identifying with my mother when I was younger. I believed completely in the church, even when I rebelled. No matter what I did, I always intended to come back. I always wanted to go on a mission, marry in the temple, and do all the things good mormons do. I never had to be compelled to do any of those things. I believed in the literalness of the stories and the doctrine. I value this kind of faith. It supports you as you grow up and it gives you something which at least feels real to grasp onto but it does have limitations, much like training wheels on a bicycle.

As I've gotten older, I relate more with my Father. Don't get me wrong, I've seen him in spiritual contexts as well. He was even a Bishop, and I believe he was a good Bishop. I don't think he is or ever has been an atheist or even agnostic but I know he thinks about things and he is definitely not an orthodox mormon. I have come to find more value as I mature, in a nuanced approach. Black and white thinking is much more confining and a rigid faith can be easily shattered, but I believe it has its time and place. Eventually, however, the training wheels needed to come off.